I'm done breastfeeding. And I don't know how I really feel about it. I've known for awhile that it would be bittersweet. I'm looking forward to having my body back and some more freedom with my schedule. But I really have loved nourishing my two sons and the sweet, still time with them close. I realized that that nursing them these past few months is the only time I really got to hold them close without squirming or trying to crawl away.
I really am so proud of myself for breastfeeding twins for a year. It was an incredibly painful start and took up more time than I can count, but I would do it all again. It wasn't always convenient and definitely kept us close to home, but it has been so rewarding to know that I have done the best and healthiest thing for each of them that will benefit them the rest of their lives.
It's been more emotional than I thought. I will miss the quiet moments in the morning, stroking their soft, baby hair while they stroke my arm or twist their little hand in my bra strap. I miss the little infant sighs and piglet sounds while they ate. I will miss looking over and seeing their little legs and feet stretched out beside me. Somehow time stood still whenever I breastfed them. They weren't 10 or 11 months old. They were still the tiny newborn babies that I started out with. I'll miss the relaxed feel of them in my arms after they ate while we cuddled. And I think they each learned about patience and taking turns. (Or at least I told myself that every time the other one was crying their head off while waiting to eat.)
And it has not helped that I didn't handle my drying up in the tapered way I should have. I have been weaning them over the course of the last month, but I didn't gradually pumping. Oops. So now here I sit. Boobs the size of Texas with ice packs, cabbage leaves, and embarrassment to go out in public. We are going to Branson for the weekend and I guess I naively thought this could be wrapped up in a week. Not looking likely. But I am getting more comfortable so I'm hopeful I'm moving in the right direction.
I am grateful to BJ for his endless support throughout this nursing journey. He stood by me and encouraged me even when I cried tears of pain and frustration. He woke with me during the nights to distract the waiting baby and swap me when I was ready. He has been more than patient as my body has gone through the most changes it's ever seen and has primarily been the property of our sons.
I'm proud of all of us. We did it!
Friday, May 25, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
My 1st Mother's Day
We just put the boys to bed and my first official Mother's Day is wrapping up. It's been a really good day overall. BJ surprised me first thing in the morning with my Mother's Day schedule and menu while the four of us were in bed together. He had planned out each part of the day and gave me specific food options for each meal. I had my "Libby's favorite" waffles which he made from scratch for breakfast. We finally made it to church today and the boys did well for the most part. We got a text towards the beginning that Blaine was upset, but BJ went in and calmed him down and they did well the rest of the time. We swung through Back Yard Burgers on the way home and had some down time before going over to Nancy's for the family celebration. It was a little hectic, but we left first to get the boys home. Their still behind on sleep so we did a quick dinner, bath, and just put them to bed. Ironically I don't feel like I got enough time with them today! During breakfast BJ gave me the necklace I had wanted with the boys' initials on it. It's perfect!
I've felt so special and honored by him today and the emotion that keeps running through my heart and mind is thankful. I'm so grateful to God that I get to be a mommy. The miracle of pregnancy, birth, and the privilege of raising two sons is not lost on me for one moment. I am still in awe that I have two healthy, perfect baby boys that are mine. They are a dream come true and an answer to many prayers. I remember one year ago from today I was around 34 weeks pregnant and on bedrest. We still thought they might come any day. I just remember being so ready to meet them and see what they would look like. I was so curious what one year later would look like and here we are.
My first year of motherhood has been the most challenging, yet meaningful of my life. I've never had to dig so deep to keep going some days and to consistently die to myself for the service of my family. I've loved in ways I never could have imagined. So much it hurts sometimes. Pierce Edward and Blaine Robert are the best things that have happened to us. I'm beyond grateful that I get to be their mommy and that I have an amazing husband by my side. That's it. I'm just grateful and blessed beyond measure. Thank you, Lord.
I've felt so special and honored by him today and the emotion that keeps running through my heart and mind is thankful. I'm so grateful to God that I get to be a mommy. The miracle of pregnancy, birth, and the privilege of raising two sons is not lost on me for one moment. I am still in awe that I have two healthy, perfect baby boys that are mine. They are a dream come true and an answer to many prayers. I remember one year ago from today I was around 34 weeks pregnant and on bedrest. We still thought they might come any day. I just remember being so ready to meet them and see what they would look like. I was so curious what one year later would look like and here we are.
My first year of motherhood has been the most challenging, yet meaningful of my life. I've never had to dig so deep to keep going some days and to consistently die to myself for the service of my family. I've loved in ways I never could have imagined. So much it hurts sometimes. Pierce Edward and Blaine Robert are the best things that have happened to us. I'm beyond grateful that I get to be their mommy and that I have an amazing husband by my side. That's it. I'm just grateful and blessed beyond measure. Thank you, Lord.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Graduation Day!
BJ graduated today! (Never mind the fact that he has one more class this summer. Rockhurst only does one ceremony in the Spring.) We were a little nervous about the whole thing because it started right at 1:00- right during the boys' afternoon nap. My parents, the boys, and I rode together because BJ went early to line up and get prepared. I was scrambling at the last minute to get us out the door so we ended up being 15 minutes late to get my parents and ended up missing the processional. I was determined to stay calm and go with the flow and I think I did a pretty good job!
The ceremony was held at Municipal Auditorium and parking was a little crazy, but when we finally got in and got to the second level where the "handicapped seating" was we found no seats available. Plus we were going to be stuck in a tiny area against a railing. So after fumbling around for a while we went on the far end and were behind the black curtain behind the stage and could see nothing. We finally decided to just head to the main floor where the graduates were. Thankfully they were already setting up a few chairs for other handicapped people in the back and it worked out much better because we had tons of space without being confined and stuck. And the boys did great! I'm so proud of them! They always exceed my expectations in an unknown situation. We were definitely busy the whole time doling out snacks, reading books, going on a walk, and taking them in and out of the stroller. We finally made it to BJ and I walked up a little closer to take some pictures. I even got a little choked up as he walked across the stage. I am so proud of him and all of us! It is such a special accomplishment and he has worked so hard for a long time. We've put a lot into this and we're almost there!
We headed out to the lobby when we thought it was almost over and about 45 minutes later it finally was. The boys were so tired by then and we were doing everything short of cartwheels to keep them entertained. He finally came out and we attempted some family pictures. I'm fairly certain they are going to look as chaotic as they felt. :)
We let the boys nap in the car and drove around for a bit afterwards and then headed to Jackstack on the Plaza with my parents. It's always so fun to get them out in a social situation and feel like a normal family. This was one of our only times going out to dinner as a family since the boys normally go to bed by 6:30. We're so strict with their schedule and sleep times. It's just nice sometimes to break up our schedule and do something "normal". And it was our first time on the Plaza with the boys! It only took us a year. They did great at dinner too and we had a fun time. We walked around for a bit afterwards and got a few exclamations about our cute twins. One interesting woman we walked by exclaimed something about them being twins and I swear I heard her say something about them "living to be 100 a piece" as we walked by her. I'm still not sure if our children were prophesied over?
All in all it was a busy, but good day. I'm so proud of BJ and the huge accomplishment this marks. I wish it could truly mark the end, but we're so close. Congratulations, BJ!!
The ceremony was held at Municipal Auditorium and parking was a little crazy, but when we finally got in and got to the second level where the "handicapped seating" was we found no seats available. Plus we were going to be stuck in a tiny area against a railing. So after fumbling around for a while we went on the far end and were behind the black curtain behind the stage and could see nothing. We finally decided to just head to the main floor where the graduates were. Thankfully they were already setting up a few chairs for other handicapped people in the back and it worked out much better because we had tons of space without being confined and stuck. And the boys did great! I'm so proud of them! They always exceed my expectations in an unknown situation. We were definitely busy the whole time doling out snacks, reading books, going on a walk, and taking them in and out of the stroller. We finally made it to BJ and I walked up a little closer to take some pictures. I even got a little choked up as he walked across the stage. I am so proud of him and all of us! It is such a special accomplishment and he has worked so hard for a long time. We've put a lot into this and we're almost there!
We headed out to the lobby when we thought it was almost over and about 45 minutes later it finally was. The boys were so tired by then and we were doing everything short of cartwheels to keep them entertained. He finally came out and we attempted some family pictures. I'm fairly certain they are going to look as chaotic as they felt. :)
We let the boys nap in the car and drove around for a bit afterwards and then headed to Jackstack on the Plaza with my parents. It's always so fun to get them out in a social situation and feel like a normal family. This was one of our only times going out to dinner as a family since the boys normally go to bed by 6:30. We're so strict with their schedule and sleep times. It's just nice sometimes to break up our schedule and do something "normal". And it was our first time on the Plaza with the boys! It only took us a year. They did great at dinner too and we had a fun time. We walked around for a bit afterwards and got a few exclamations about our cute twins. One interesting woman we walked by exclaimed something about them being twins and I swear I heard her say something about them "living to be 100 a piece" as we walked by her. I'm still not sure if our children were prophesied over?
All in all it was a busy, but good day. I'm so proud of BJ and the huge accomplishment this marks. I wish it could truly mark the end, but we're so close. Congratulations, BJ!!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Our First Tornado
We had our first weather emergency a couple nights ago as a family of four. It was a Sunday night and we were getting ready to host life group at our house. We'd just put the boys to bed early because they'd skipped their afternoon nap that day. It was 6:15 and BJ and I were quickly eating dinner before our group arrived at 6:30. It had gotten gray out, but we had no idea that severe weather was on the way. Then the sirens started and it all got a little hectic from there. Part of the issue was that our internet had been on the blink and wasn't working and our satellite is worthless in a storm. So we had very minimal information about what was actually happening. We cancelled life group when my parents texted us to get down to the basement.
All of a sudden I was frantic to get all four of us down there with whatever we might need should a tornado blow our house away. Here is what I grabbed: about 12 toys that were in our room, a flashlight, two sippy cups of water, a cup of water for me/us, a clock radio, and my iPad all thrown into a laundry basket. Oh and we also felt it was critical to drag down their pack 'n play. All essential items during tornadic activity, no? We finally through everything downstairs and went and, painfully, woke the boys up and we all went to the closet under the stairs. The boys were so good. They didn't stay asleep, but let us hold them and I just sang song after song that came to my mind. It helped me stay calm too. I didn't really think anything was going to happen, but you just never know. It's so different with kids now. We stayed down there about 30-40 minutes and then BJ checked to radio to find only music. (We couldn't get any weather to pull up on our phones either. Talk about out of touch.) We layed the boys back in bed and thankfully they went right back to sleep.
It turns out that there was a funnel cloud right over 159th and Ridgeview- just south of us. I don't think it ever touched down. Maybe ignorance was bliss in this case! Praise the Lord for His protection and safety!
All of a sudden I was frantic to get all four of us down there with whatever we might need should a tornado blow our house away. Here is what I grabbed: about 12 toys that were in our room, a flashlight, two sippy cups of water, a cup of water for me/us, a clock radio, and my iPad all thrown into a laundry basket. Oh and we also felt it was critical to drag down their pack 'n play. All essential items during tornadic activity, no? We finally through everything downstairs and went and, painfully, woke the boys up and we all went to the closet under the stairs. The boys were so good. They didn't stay asleep, but let us hold them and I just sang song after song that came to my mind. It helped me stay calm too. I didn't really think anything was going to happen, but you just never know. It's so different with kids now. We stayed down there about 30-40 minutes and then BJ checked to radio to find only music. (We couldn't get any weather to pull up on our phones either. Talk about out of touch.) We layed the boys back in bed and thankfully they went right back to sleep.
It turns out that there was a funnel cloud right over 159th and Ridgeview- just south of us. I don't think it ever touched down. Maybe ignorance was bliss in this case! Praise the Lord for His protection and safety!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
11 Months Old
My babies are 11 months old today. I thought I'd just write a few random updates while they're on my mind.
-Pierce has perfected the army crawl. He scoots around like a pro and looks so cute doing it. We're always amazed at how quickly he can move that way. We're fairly certain he could crawl because every now and then he'll do a few movements- like when he's naked on the carpet before baths. :) In the last couple of days he's tried to pull up after watching Blaine do it. It's so cute to see the wheels turning in head: wanting to, thinking how to go about it, trying, and then giving up because it didn't work.
-Blaine is pulling up on everything. He stands so solidly now and can stand up just by having something flat to lean on. I wonder if he'll be taking steps by his first birthday. He is one determined baby, but we've known that for awhile now.
-The most fun toy is the one that brother has. Pierce can play keep away from Blaine. He just scoots around on his tummy in a circle and makes Blaine chase circles around him.
-Pierce has learned a fake cry. He gets a really dramatic squint going and then can shut it off in an instant. It's cute most of the time, but I have a feeling this could get out of hand!
-Pierce still has no teeth and Blaine is working on his 5th.
-They are great night sleepers, but are no doubt early risers. They go to bed by 6:30 and we don't hear from them again until 5:30ish. The goal is 6, but lately one of them is up fussing or chatting by 5:30. We just leave them and hit snooze until 6. It's so great getting that solid chunk of sleep though. And if we were really smart we'd get to bed before 11! They're doing really well with morning naps and are usually asleep by 9:30 and will sleep anywhere from an hour to 90 minutes. The afternoon nap has become another story though. They don't seem to get really tired, but I usually put them down by 2. It seems like most days it takes one or both almost an hour with a couple of re-soothes before they sleep. And sometimes that nap is just skipped. I'm wondering if they're about ready to move to one. It seems early though.
-Pacis are constantly lost now, but every now and then we'll get them from their cribs and they come out with a missing one. We're certain there's a secret compartment with a stash in each of their cribs.
-I'm starting to think about weaning. Such a bittersweet thing. In some ways I am more than ready, but in other ways it makes me sad to see this bond end. It's been a constant, nearly around the clock part of my life for almost a year now. That is such a long time. I am so proud of myself for getting this far. It's such a natural part of life now that is almost feels wrong to end it. I know it's longer than most people ever make it, but part of me feels like I should keep going. But I kind of like the idea of ending with the beginning of the summer. Kind of a fresh start for a new season.
- They're eating more and more big boy foods. Today they tried tuna noodle casserole and loved it! It makes me excited to see them liking and trying new things. They LOVE tortillas and cheese and even eat microwaved cheese tacos with black beans. We're getting there. Both of us are ready to see the extra $30 a week on our grocery bill for baby food diminish. We were not prepared for how expensive it would be. It's also nice to see them eating other things besides fruit!
Overall they are such happy babies. Every night we sit down on the sofa and talk about how cute they were that day and how much fun we had with them. It's so amazing to have such fun days with them and I don't take it for granted. I love waking up each morning excited to see them. There is nothing like watching Blaine "haul baby toosh" while grinning to greet you when you walk into a room. Or having Pierce cling to you while holding him. I love being their mommy!
-Pierce has perfected the army crawl. He scoots around like a pro and looks so cute doing it. We're always amazed at how quickly he can move that way. We're fairly certain he could crawl because every now and then he'll do a few movements- like when he's naked on the carpet before baths. :) In the last couple of days he's tried to pull up after watching Blaine do it. It's so cute to see the wheels turning in head: wanting to, thinking how to go about it, trying, and then giving up because it didn't work.
-Blaine is pulling up on everything. He stands so solidly now and can stand up just by having something flat to lean on. I wonder if he'll be taking steps by his first birthday. He is one determined baby, but we've known that for awhile now.
-The most fun toy is the one that brother has. Pierce can play keep away from Blaine. He just scoots around on his tummy in a circle and makes Blaine chase circles around him.
-Pierce has learned a fake cry. He gets a really dramatic squint going and then can shut it off in an instant. It's cute most of the time, but I have a feeling this could get out of hand!
-Pierce still has no teeth and Blaine is working on his 5th.
-They are great night sleepers, but are no doubt early risers. They go to bed by 6:30 and we don't hear from them again until 5:30ish. The goal is 6, but lately one of them is up fussing or chatting by 5:30. We just leave them and hit snooze until 6. It's so great getting that solid chunk of sleep though. And if we were really smart we'd get to bed before 11! They're doing really well with morning naps and are usually asleep by 9:30 and will sleep anywhere from an hour to 90 minutes. The afternoon nap has become another story though. They don't seem to get really tired, but I usually put them down by 2. It seems like most days it takes one or both almost an hour with a couple of re-soothes before they sleep. And sometimes that nap is just skipped. I'm wondering if they're about ready to move to one. It seems early though.
-Pacis are constantly lost now, but every now and then we'll get them from their cribs and they come out with a missing one. We're certain there's a secret compartment with a stash in each of their cribs.
-I'm starting to think about weaning. Such a bittersweet thing. In some ways I am more than ready, but in other ways it makes me sad to see this bond end. It's been a constant, nearly around the clock part of my life for almost a year now. That is such a long time. I am so proud of myself for getting this far. It's such a natural part of life now that is almost feels wrong to end it. I know it's longer than most people ever make it, but part of me feels like I should keep going. But I kind of like the idea of ending with the beginning of the summer. Kind of a fresh start for a new season.
- They're eating more and more big boy foods. Today they tried tuna noodle casserole and loved it! It makes me excited to see them liking and trying new things. They LOVE tortillas and cheese and even eat microwaved cheese tacos with black beans. We're getting there. Both of us are ready to see the extra $30 a week on our grocery bill for baby food diminish. We were not prepared for how expensive it would be. It's also nice to see them eating other things besides fruit!
Overall they are such happy babies. Every night we sit down on the sofa and talk about how cute they were that day and how much fun we had with them. It's so amazing to have such fun days with them and I don't take it for granted. I love waking up each morning excited to see them. There is nothing like watching Blaine "haul baby toosh" while grinning to greet you when you walk into a room. Or having Pierce cling to you while holding him. I love being their mommy!
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