Last night was one of those full circle moments where I felt like I got to sort of see my life from a more outside, bird's eye view. It was just a normal night, but Blaine wanted to surprise BJ with his newly achieved pumping skill on the swing. It was a cooler night and I had Landry wrapped in a blanket watching from the deck. After a bit a game of chase broke out with both boys and BJ down below. Both boys were trying to catch BJ and squealing with glee as he kept dodging out of the way. My heat was just filled with such joy watching all 3 of my boys and holding my sweet baby girl. In that moment I just couldn't picture wanting much else. I had a flashback moment to walking around the backyard while we looked at the house before we bought it. Despite the fact that the house was completely outdated and fairly decrepit, I knew it was ours. It just felt like this was where we belonged. I remembered specifically walking in the backyard and feeling like that's where our future children should be playing and all of us out there together someday. And now, fast forward 4 years later, and here we are. Amazing. I don't take God's blessings for granted these days. Every single day I am so grateful for each of my children and my amazing husband. I really can't imagine feeling much more blessed. Maybe we'll have more kids and who knows exactly what our lives will look like in 4 more years, but for the moments I am just blessed and really, really grateful.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Landry and sleep (or lack thereof)
Landry doesn't really like sleep. I could kind of just end the post there, but I need a slight vent session and also want to pinpoint this time for future reference's sake. I wish (and I knew I would) I had more written down from the boys. I did ok with milestones and memories, but I wish I could have documented more of the nitty gritty of the daily grind with schedules, sleep habits, etc. So here's where we're at. We've been doing some form of sleep training effort for a good 2 months now. We started with gradual and then decided to rip the bandaid and go with cry it out. That's just kind of our thing evidently. We got to point around 5ish months where we were ready to go big or go home and just try to get it overwith and get her on a good night schedule. Like the boys I didn't initially mess with naps at all. I still rocked to complete sleep and that was working so I left it. We were really focused on nights.
The last 2 months are a bit of a blur, but our problems were mostly just getting her to stay asleep between feeds. At its worst (probably around 4-5 months) she would wake up every couple of hours. For awhile we were on a decent schedule of 2 feeds a night, but the first was happening around midnight, which would be right after I fell asleep. Not easy, but I was willing. But we often had to let her cry at 1 or more points before that when we weren't willing to feed. Around 5ish months we also adjusted her bedtime back to 7 and then 6:30 and then 6 mostly because her naps were still bad. She was only sleeping 30- 40 min. at a time and always had trouble going down the later the day got. We decided to kind of ride the nap thing out, hoping that as she got a little older her naps would naturally stretch. And that was the case for the most part. But the nights have still been inconsistent and rough. I'm not sure how long, but easily for multiple weeks she wakes up nearly every night between 11ish and 1ish. Every.single.night. At some point, I'm not really sure how, we got her down to one feed. I think we just decided we needed to push it back and set 2 AM as the earliest feed time. So we've let her cry until then most nights. And she does. I don't think she's ever put herself back to sleep before then.
I have racked my brain trying to figure out why. I was pretty sure she was getting enough milk during the day. It was odd to me that it was almost always the same time every night. I even called the ped office last week to make sure I wasn't missing anything and get their advice. She basically assured me that we were doing everything we could and that we just had a stubborn baby. I figured. Landry also hasn't taken to solids, which has been a separate battle. She thought that could help (although it really hadn't with the boys) and suggested I up my efforts to 2-3x a day. She also thought maybe we just cut her off cold turkey. It had crossed my mind as a last ditch effort. Perhaps the fact that she eventually gets fed makes her keep crying. So last night we tried it. She woke at 1 and wasn't totally quiet and settled until between 4 and 4:30. She had one roll over which BJ went in to get her resettled. It was tiring and rough, but I don't know what else to try. She's just been so stubborn and unrelenting. The advantage of CIO has always been that it's painful, but done quickly. Not so with this one. I feel like she's been crying at night for weeks. And she has been I'm pretty sure.
So that's where we are. Our ped has assured me that she's plenty old enough to be going through the night without a feed, and really should be. She has come a long way with bedtime though. We had to let her cry at put down and I guess I have to say that she did dramatically improve there. Now she can go down with a fuss or minute or two cry and be done. So maybe there's hope for this new extinction effort.
She's still a happy, laid back, and sweet baby during the day, despite a lot of too short naps and night crying. I'm very grateful for that. She's definitely been a little fussier as her night crying sessions have increased, but our days could be so much worse. Lord, please help us. I'm tired...
The last 2 months are a bit of a blur, but our problems were mostly just getting her to stay asleep between feeds. At its worst (probably around 4-5 months) she would wake up every couple of hours. For awhile we were on a decent schedule of 2 feeds a night, but the first was happening around midnight, which would be right after I fell asleep. Not easy, but I was willing. But we often had to let her cry at 1 or more points before that when we weren't willing to feed. Around 5ish months we also adjusted her bedtime back to 7 and then 6:30 and then 6 mostly because her naps were still bad. She was only sleeping 30- 40 min. at a time and always had trouble going down the later the day got. We decided to kind of ride the nap thing out, hoping that as she got a little older her naps would naturally stretch. And that was the case for the most part. But the nights have still been inconsistent and rough. I'm not sure how long, but easily for multiple weeks she wakes up nearly every night between 11ish and 1ish. Every.single.night. At some point, I'm not really sure how, we got her down to one feed. I think we just decided we needed to push it back and set 2 AM as the earliest feed time. So we've let her cry until then most nights. And she does. I don't think she's ever put herself back to sleep before then.
I have racked my brain trying to figure out why. I was pretty sure she was getting enough milk during the day. It was odd to me that it was almost always the same time every night. I even called the ped office last week to make sure I wasn't missing anything and get their advice. She basically assured me that we were doing everything we could and that we just had a stubborn baby. I figured. Landry also hasn't taken to solids, which has been a separate battle. She thought that could help (although it really hadn't with the boys) and suggested I up my efforts to 2-3x a day. She also thought maybe we just cut her off cold turkey. It had crossed my mind as a last ditch effort. Perhaps the fact that she eventually gets fed makes her keep crying. So last night we tried it. She woke at 1 and wasn't totally quiet and settled until between 4 and 4:30. She had one roll over which BJ went in to get her resettled. It was tiring and rough, but I don't know what else to try. She's just been so stubborn and unrelenting. The advantage of CIO has always been that it's painful, but done quickly. Not so with this one. I feel like she's been crying at night for weeks. And she has been I'm pretty sure.
So that's where we are. Our ped has assured me that she's plenty old enough to be going through the night without a feed, and really should be. She has come a long way with bedtime though. We had to let her cry at put down and I guess I have to say that she did dramatically improve there. Now she can go down with a fuss or minute or two cry and be done. So maybe there's hope for this new extinction effort.
She's still a happy, laid back, and sweet baby during the day, despite a lot of too short naps and night crying. I'm very grateful for that. She's definitely been a little fussier as her night crying sessions have increased, but our days could be so much worse. Lord, please help us. I'm tired...
I have decided...
I should have written this down closer to when it happened, but for awhile now Blaine can note an exact night where he asked Jesus into his heart while he was in bed one night. For a while now we've talked about Jesus and that he died on the cross for our sins which are the wrong things we do as humans. We've talked about the way we get into heaven is by asking him into our hearts and thanking him for dying for us. And we've talked about heaven and describing as best we can what it will be like, etc. They know God, Jesus, and Grant are there waiting for us. I've wanted to be careful about not forcing the issue, but making it their choice and timing. So there was one night where we were talking more about it after our nightly Bible story and Blaine said, "Oh yeah. I've asked Jesus into my heart." We asked him more about it and when he did it. And several times since he describes the same thing. He was in his bunk bed at night and prayed and said, "I love you, Jesus. Will you come into my heart?". Wow! I was kind of too surprised the first time he told us and wondered if it had really happened, but he's said it the same way enough times now that I really believe he had a specific moment. I know he's only 3, but I also know that he gets it as much as any 3 year old can. And I know there's something so much purer and simpler about a 3 year old's belief than an adult's. I find myself vascilating between happiness and excitement and I guess doubt. Does he really understand? But maybe I just need to have more of Blaine's faith. In fact, I'm sure I do. That kid has put me in my place so many times through quoting a scripture I taught them or reminding me of a truth. In fact, just the other night at dinner we referenced something about Jesus and Blaine interjected, "He's the one who will wipe away every tear from every eye." Praise you, Jesus! Our children are getting their word in your hearts!
One time during a bedtime Pierce chimed in after Blaine that he had too. It's the only time he's ever said it though, so we'll stay tuned. :)
One time during a bedtime Pierce chimed in after Blaine that he had too. It's the only time he's ever said it though, so we'll stay tuned. :)
More notes and memories on the boys
- More proof of Pierce's analytical mind. The other day we were shopping at Aldi and the boys got into a conversation about last Christmas. They began having a disagreement on whether or not Landry was out of my tummy then. Blaine said she hadn't been born yet, but Pierce insisted she had. I finally paid closer attention and inserted that yes, Landry had been there last year. Everyone dropped it and we moved on. Awhile after we got home though I noticed our Christmas picture taken with Santa at Bass Pro on the kitchen counter. It only took me a moment to piece together what I thought had probably happened. I incredulously asked Pierce if he had gone upstairs to get the picture, used the stool, and gotten it down from my book shelf where it had been. He said, "Yep! See? Landry was there!" I was so impressed and incredibly amused at the same time. He hadn't even said a word, just gone up to get it and set it down for anyone to see. So funny! We often wonder if he is headed for a law career...
- Pierce also had a really tender moment the other day that melted me. Blaine had gotten a small splinter playing on the deck and had nervously come in to get it taken care of. He has a way lower pain tolerance and I know was envisioning me having to work and dig at it like I had Pierce's. I told him it was much shallower and easier and to just look away while I quickly pulled it out. He whimpered in fear, but I had it out before he knew it. We were walking back to the back door when we ran into Pierce who was coming towards us. Blaine told him we had gotten it out and it was fine. Pierce looked at us and said, "Oh ok. I guess I don't need to pray with you now!". He had been coming to pray for his brother like Blaine had for him when he'd had the bad splinter. Pierce's tender moments are a little fewer between so this was so special to see.
- Yesterday we were at the zoo and there was a little boy sitting in front of us at the sea lion show about the boys' age. He was with a little bit older woman who was seemingly exhausted with him and kept reprimanding him to sit still or be quiet, etc. I felt sorry for him so I tried to engage him a little to try and help the situation a little. The boys, always ready to make a new friend, quickly joined in. We were eating our picnic lunch at the time and Blaine offered him a grape. The boy eagerly accepted and a minute later asked for one of my chips. I gave him one and by this time Blaine was on his fruit snacks. I saw the boy eyeing them and feared what was coming. Fruit snacks are a treat and a prize in this house and I was worried the generosity and friendliness might end right there. Sure enough, the little boy asked if he could have a fruit snack. I looked at Blaine and he looked down into his pack and said, "Do you like orange flavored ones?" The little boy popped it into his mouth with a smile and my heart about burst from pride. BJ and I both praised him for being so generous and kind and it was just one of those parent victory moments where it felt like our kids were getting it. Blaine's kind and tender heart is such a gift and I pray it continues to grow.
- Pierce also had a really tender moment the other day that melted me. Blaine had gotten a small splinter playing on the deck and had nervously come in to get it taken care of. He has a way lower pain tolerance and I know was envisioning me having to work and dig at it like I had Pierce's. I told him it was much shallower and easier and to just look away while I quickly pulled it out. He whimpered in fear, but I had it out before he knew it. We were walking back to the back door when we ran into Pierce who was coming towards us. Blaine told him we had gotten it out and it was fine. Pierce looked at us and said, "Oh ok. I guess I don't need to pray with you now!". He had been coming to pray for his brother like Blaine had for him when he'd had the bad splinter. Pierce's tender moments are a little fewer between so this was so special to see.
- Yesterday we were at the zoo and there was a little boy sitting in front of us at the sea lion show about the boys' age. He was with a little bit older woman who was seemingly exhausted with him and kept reprimanding him to sit still or be quiet, etc. I felt sorry for him so I tried to engage him a little to try and help the situation a little. The boys, always ready to make a new friend, quickly joined in. We were eating our picnic lunch at the time and Blaine offered him a grape. The boy eagerly accepted and a minute later asked for one of my chips. I gave him one and by this time Blaine was on his fruit snacks. I saw the boy eyeing them and feared what was coming. Fruit snacks are a treat and a prize in this house and I was worried the generosity and friendliness might end right there. Sure enough, the little boy asked if he could have a fruit snack. I looked at Blaine and he looked down into his pack and said, "Do you like orange flavored ones?" The little boy popped it into his mouth with a smile and my heart about burst from pride. BJ and I both praised him for being so generous and kind and it was just one of those parent victory moments where it felt like our kids were getting it. Blaine's kind and tender heart is such a gift and I pray it continues to grow.
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